Not broken, just bent

Song: “Carry on,” .fun
Mother’s Day: A day where families show how much they appreciate their matriarch. I celebrated by hanging out with the kids, going the church and having cheesecake, doing chores and running (not in that order).
I finished up the day by watching “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.” Not some people’s idea of Mother’s Day but it’s perfect for me. “The Hobbit” is a good film by the way.
It was a day to get my groove back. My allergies have been acting up more than usual this spring. My runs have been a struggle. Which has reflected my personal life as of late.
You know something’s wrong when your kids say, “Why are adults so grumpy?”
“What makes you think we’re grumpy?” I asked as I fastened one of their seat belts after one of the embarrassing shopping trips of my parenting life. (You know the kind, where the kid yells or disobeys their parents no matter what parenting technique they use. And the family can’t leave the store with the kids because they’re deciding something really important with this purchase.)
“Because you’re never happy.”
Ouch.
My family had just been through one of its worst weeks ever. While my husband used his “scorched earth” policy to remedy our situation, I processed it. I spent my time wondering what I did wrong, what could be done differently, what to do in the future, etc. My brain was firing on all cylinders, ready to attack, reimagine, redirect, improve, etc.
Then two weeks later, I got tired. It was so much easier when things were a bit closer to normal. I don’t mean I stopped doing things. The constant vigilance became tiring and kept me on edge all the time.
Now I understand why Bruce Wayne was a bit of a nut to be Batman. To keep that intensity level up at all times is hard. Very hard.
Those “easy” days, where some of the hardest for me, and ultimately my family. I knew I was slacking off, and my family paid for my frustration, anger and every emotion in between.
And then, I figured out what I needed to do. I started going back at things, just not with that zeal that killed the buzz for me last time.
In “Carry On,” the lyrics tell the listener that when “you’re lost and alone or sinking like a stone, carry on.” And “may your path be the sound of your feet upon the ground.”
I thought of this song, along with a few others, during my recent runs.
When your out there running or parenting, if you feel sad, lonely, etc., you have to move forward. An obstacle is just a thing in your way, you have to keep going or you’ll never see the prize at the end.
And many times, it’s just you out there. No one knows your exact situation, how deep in your soul certain things make you feel. That why that keeping your path, even if it’s so obscure you can only hear your feet fall on the ground, is so important.
Keep going, don’t give up.
It took me a while to feel like I pulled myself together enough that I’m carrying on. That day was Mother’s Day, when I ran about six miles and didn’t care about sinuses, mile time, or anything else. It was all about me and getting mentally prepared to hang out with my kids all day.
Since rebuilding, I have already seen a vast improvement in my attitude and that of my family’s.
It’s nice to hear my daughter, who is my evil mini-me, tell me she appreciates me and wants to go running with me. Of course, being the fashionista she is, I’ll have to take her shopping for the perfect running outfit. I usually would balk at such an idea, but I think this will be the most fun ever.
I’ll recap the run in my next entry.

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