Darkness my old friend

It’s good to talk with you again …

DARK O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING — I haven’t been myself since my dad’s death. For the most part, it’s a good thing.

On the good side, his death opened up some things that I thought I purged my life of long ago. These memories come and go while doing simple things, bringing laundry down to the dryer, cooking food, contemplating a home repair solution.

They are all instances where I may have called him to seek his advice, but now I can’t.

The feeling is like what I feel when I listen to Disturbed’s version of Sound of Silence. It’s very sad but somehow I feel better for having heard it. I understand what I’m feeling and it comforts me somehow.

Anyway, we’re also dealing with illness. Another stomach virus from school made the rounds at my house. I was  the last to catch it. 

I attempted to workout the Monday after I caught it, but I couldn’t complete the routine (I’ll blog about this group soon, it’s awesome). I really felt bad about it, but everyone reassured me that it was better to listen to my body than make myself worse.

 

Me, a few days after my sucky workout.
 
So, I’ll try again this upcoming Monday. I’m still dealing with sinus issues and it’s not as manageable as it was last year. So I’m trying to set up a new physician, rather than get a temporary fix from urgent care. I had to apply for the doctor to consider seeing me?! It’s a tough market this area of Appalachia, too many people and not enough doctors. 

After burying myself in self-pity for a few weeks, I came out as something different. I’m applying the intensity I had during marathon training to getting well and being present with my family. That means watching track practice with my eyes open, rather then hiding behind my iPhone screen, I’ve been laughing more and teaching my kids things. We’ve also been enjoying the spring flowers.

I think this is what my dad really wanted for me: to enjoy life, all of it. 

 

One of the big lessons was teaching my sons how to tie their shoes.
 
Certain things have been happening that have pointed to a new path. I’m still in that first quarter mile, but the road ahead looks pretty awesome.

I hope to get back into posting regularly again soon. I’m on Instragram at mtnmamarunning or you can like my Facebook pages, Running Mountain Mama. I post a lot more there right now, because I haven’t had enough to say to warrant an entire blog post.

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